Threats, Terror and Torture of Forced Perpetration

(This is a graphic blog post containing references to perpetration and harm to others involved with criminal cultic groups like RA/MC. I am not a professional but a survivor with lived experience with a foundational counseling course background. Please give yourself support and plenty of TLC if you are a survivor) There is a more in-depth podcast by the same title. If you want to listen go to the podcast page or click here.
Survivors of extreme abuse specifically of RA/MC can have fragmented parts of themselves that dissociated to cope with the overwhelming internal conflict created as a protective mechanism when coerced into abusing and harming others. These parts are, in reality, heroes within your psyche. You might think, What?!? How can you think that a part who abused someone else or harmed an animal or person is a hero?
If you are a survivor I want you to know that part/parts of you safeguarded your core goodness and protected you during the most harrowing acts that were done without choice where your decisions were literally robbed from you.
If you harbor self-doubt about if that could be true about you, read on. Like me, you may be thinking or have thought in the past that you were as evil as your abuser/abusers led you to believe.
I want you to remember this: If given a true choice, you would never willingly have harmed another, for your heart is woven with love and compassion.
Yes, you may have had to hide your heart for protection but underneath all the lies that you were told and beliefs about yourself that were taken on as yours your abuser/abusers were wrong. The reason they had to work so hard to convince you of your "badness" is because they had to try to get you to believe that you weren't the loving, caring precious person that you were/are. If we were as evil as they tried to get us to believe why did they have to work so hard and do so much torture to convince us and manipulate us into believing those things? Wouldn't our evil actions just already be something that we did?

The abusers' persistent efforts to convince survivors of their supposed "evil" reflect a key aspect of the manipulation they employed. It might seem paradoxical that these abusers would invest so much time, energy, and cruelty into making survivors believe they were inherently evil. However, this can be resolved by understanding the manipulative tactics at play.

The abusers understand that survivors possess a core of goodness, love, and compassion, and their true self was firmly rooted in kindness and empathy, which fundamentally contradicted the harmful actions the abusers coerced them into doing. The conflict between their goodness and the evil actions they were forced to commit creates an internal struggle within them. This conflict is what they exploit. Abusers know if survivors fully embrace themselves they will resist their commands, creating resistance and making manipulation more challenging. To overcome this resistance, the abusers employ an intricate process of psychological coercion.

By systematically breaking down the survivors' self-esteem, distorting their self-perception, and instilling feelings of guilt and self-blame, abusers aim to weaken this resolve with the strategy of making them more compliant and submissive. The abusers needed the survivors to believe they were "bad" precisely because they weren't inherently evil; they were decent, compassionate individuals. And they still are! More than anything they suffer from self-hatred and self-condemnation for the conflict within them.

The torture and manipulation served the dual purpose of forcing survivors into horrific actions and ensuring that they viewed these actions as a reflection of their true selves. By supressing the survivor's internal resistance they had to act against their true nature. Consequently, the abusers resorted to relentless tactics of fear and intimidation, coercion and torture to maintain control. So, the reason the abusers worked so hard to convince survivors of their "badness" was a strategic maneuver to overcome the innate goodness within them. By making survivors doubt their own kindness and compassion, the abusers aimed to mold them into obedient pawns who would carry out heinous acts while maintaining the belief that they were the evil ones. This manipulation was a perverse form of control, exploiting the survivors' genuine moral, loving heart for the abusers' malevolent purposes.

I have found that survivors of ritual abuse and mind control have immense love and compassion for others. Finding out that they have perpetrated abuse or harm on others carries immense guilt and shame. You may wrestle with inner turmoil due to coerced actions that contradict your moral compass. Blaming ourselves for actions forced upon us is a tactic of our abusers. The parts of us who split off are actually a testament to our inherent goodness. They shielded us from the knowledge of deeds that ran contrary to our loving character.

Remember, as children we were powerless and without options. A child who is forced with threats, terrorized, and tortured is not a willing participant. The responsibility for the harm inflicted lies solely with those who perpetrated the abuse.

Using extensive manipulation and tactics to enforce control, a child has no recourse but to comply with perpetrating others and harming animals and people but not by rational choice. For me it was rather do or die/or others would die in an extremely powerless situation. It's important to understand that we did not willingly make choices and our actions were compelled by external forces, not an intent or desire to harm coming from within.
If you ever feel self-doubt or mistrust in your ability to be around others, know that the choices forced upon you were a product of extreme circumstances.

What you experienced is not a reflection of your true self, but the result of external forces that exploited and manipulated your natural survival instincts. These groups and individuals subjected you to unbearable circumstances, forcing choices upon you in an environment devoid of genuine options.

If you recall memories of actions against others as a child, it's not an endorsement of personal guilt but rather an acknowledgment of what was done against you AND against them by people in power and authority.
A huge part of the suffering survivors go through is the conflict that comes as a result of knowing that a part did something that goes against their heart's desire and it feels like a betrayal of self because a person had to turn their back on their own self to be able to inflict harm onto someone else.

No person, regardless of age, should be subjected to such extreme circumstances; especially a child. There is no justification for enduring the pain and torment you experienced or the harm that was done to others. You are not at fault. Your choice was stripped away leading you to actions that you never wished to commit. This is an affront to your rights as a human being. Your inherent right to be treated with care and respect was violated, and you were made to believe that you were responsible for the forced actions upon others because you were unable to prevent them from happening. Remember, it was truly not your fault.
Even the adults that were there were not allowed to rescue those who were being tortured while it was happening whether it was from their own conditioning to comply or what but they were unable to do anything about what was happening and they were adults. It is definitely not the survivor who is a child that is at fault.
When a survivor has the memories of harming animals or harming other people, those feelings are a heavy load to carry and the feelings of self-blame and self-hatred can be so intense (a shock that is hard to swallow).
To put all of this in perspective, imagine the following scenario in which an individual, much like a survivor, is under extreme duress. In this scenario, a person has a gun pointed at their head, and a vehicle awaits outside a bank. The person is told to enter the bank and rob it, or else not only will they be shot, but a hidden bomb inside the bank will explode, taking the lives of all those within. In this dire situation, the individual is not guilty of going to the bank teller and asking them to put money in a bag.

Similarly, survivors faced coercion that was far more insidious and inescapable. Their tormentors had complete control over their lives, dictating every moment. The choices presented to survivors were inherently false, an illusion of free will. They were never granted the freedom to make a conscious decision.

In a 1920 quote from Justice Peterson of the Court of Justice of England, it was stated that "coercion is not only a violation of personal liberty, but it also impairs the voluntary character of a contract." When under coercion it undermines the validity of someone entering into something freely and willingly. The very nature of ritual abuse and mind control involves something that negates a person’s choice. To be convicted of a crime, a person has to have made a choice to do the act. This is the concept of men's rhea, a Latin term for a guilty mind which means having criminal intent. The act is not a crime unless the mind is guilty.
Individuals who are tortured and coerced to perpetrate against another person have been robbed of the capacity to make a clear rational choice or decision. When there is torture, it is about survival at that point. The brain’s 911 center takes over and they are not capable of committing a crime at that point nor did they premeditatedly make a choice to harm anyone. Were people sexually abused? Yes. Were people killed? Yes. The act itself was wrong because it involved doing harm to another person. The conditions that the victim was put through and subjected to caused a forced submission that they were powerless over. The mind splits and their own thinking is bypassed circumventing their own free will. The brain's instinct to survive disables rational thinking, overriding the capacity to make choices and negating any notion of willing participation. With coercion there is no choice, leaving survivors without the power of making decisions or thinking for themselves. In survival mode the mind's natural responses are overridden, and the ability to act willingly is nullified. The brain center disables critical thinking and disarms the ability to do anything except submit. At that point it's about survival with the fight to endure, robbing a child of their capacity to act freely. Without manipulation the primal instincts of a person in danger cause the natural fight, flight, freeze responses to trigger a surge of adrenaline in hopes that the person can escape the perilous situation they are in. The individuals in these groups and families maliciously exploit and manipulate these inherent God given survival mechanisms and use the the surge of adrenaline to their own advantage channeling it to harm of others. There was no escape during the abuse. Some groups create assassins and total mind-control slaves. But there is an escape from their control. I'm living proof of that and so are many of you.

The process of grooming, conditioning, and brainwashing is done over time with power being exerted by these groups and families that eventually perpetuate forced perpetration and harm to others. The isolation from the outside world and the destruction of trust in anyone but the abuser is psychological abuse taken to extreme levels. Survivors are led to believe there is no escape from their captors and that their perpetrator group is the only source of love and support, despite the coerced actions forced upon them. If you had to perpetrate against others it is not your fault. The harm that came to others as a result is not your fault. I know that is contrary to how you feel. Separating the harm done with the lack of intention on your part is hard to do. Acknowledging the harm that was done to someone else at your own hands and separating the responsibility for what was done and reconciling it within yourself is hard to do but it is possible to come to terms with it all. By forgiving yourself for what you were not able to stop goes a long way towards healing. Hating yourself for what you were powerless over that happened to someone else does not bring them back or undo the damage that was done. But you can stop any further damage to yourself by accepting that you were powerless over what happened then but you can choose life now. You were worth love and care then, just as you are now. The choices seemingly made during those traumatic times were not choices at all but responses to extreme duress. Today, you can choose to treat yourself with kindness and compassion as you continue on the path of healing and recovery. I pray that you regain a sense of empowerment as you resolve the inner conflict that may be a part of the pain and suffering that you experience. You are not alone, and your journey towards self-love and a brighter future is worth every step.