One of the most profound acts of love we can offer the parts of us as people with dissociative identities is to extend acceptance and self compassion to each newly emerging part that we connect with; especially those who parts that hold the deepest wounds and vulnerabilities. These parts, often created out of deep pain and suffering, carry within them the raw emotions of anger, hurt, and fear. Embracing them with love and understanding is essential for our own healing and integration. In this post I want to explore the importance of self-compassion and acceptance for these parts and provide practical ways to nurture them with love and care.
I had such self-hatred that I carried around for years and the belief that I was bad that I thought I deserved what had happen to me. The only explanation in my mind was that I was to blame. As I journaled and began to connect with my parts who carried memories that I had completely blocked out I started taking the compassion I so readily gave to others and started giving that compassion to myself. Self compassion involves treating ourselves with the same kindness, care, and understanding that we would offer to a dear friend facing similar struggles. It means acknowledging our pain without judgment and holding space for each of our parts in their individual walled off experiences and the emotions they carry. Some of my parts were harder to love much less accept especially those who carried rage, anger and deep hurt. As survivors of trauma there are parts within us that are steeped in anger and hurt, emotions caused from the injustices and wounds they've endured. Instead of suppressing or rejecting these parts, we need to acknowledge their validity and the reasons behind their pain and negative emotions. Acceptance does not mean condoning destructive behaviors or remaining stagnant in pain; rather, it involves validating the experiences and emotions of these parts while gently guiding them towards healing and transformation. I would tell them how sorry I was for what they went through and tell them how brave they were to endure what they did for me so that I didn't have to. I would tell them that I believed them and that they were no longer alone; that I was here with them and that we had each other now. I nurtured them like a mother would as we didn't have what we needed from our mother all the years we were being abused. She didn't listen. That made me a better listener. She didn't comfort us. That made me a better person to offer comfort with stuffed animals, blankets and hugs.
I began a practice of self love every morning before I would even get out of bed. I would tell all the parts good morning and I would give them all a hug and Iwould say, "I love you Sharri". Any newer parts would be mentioned by name as I hugged them with a self hug and they were so happy that I acknowledged them. I created a safe space and nurturing environment where everyone was acknowledged and I went from self-loathing to actually accepting myself and then was able to love myself. Our parts desperately yearn for love and validation. They all want to be heard, whether through an inner dialogue, journaling, or creative expression like art or music to communicate with these parts and reassure them of our love and support. Building trust with some of these parts takes time and patience, but the rewards of deepening self-connection and inner harmony are immeasurable. We may feel like we just want to ignore them because inevitably they carry pain and uncomfortable feelings.
Practicing self-love with parts who harbored deep-seated distrust, particularly towards my front person was challenging. I would start small and gradually build a sense of safety and trust. When I asked them what they needed they never did know but gradually we found ways to nurture them with simple acts of self-care, such as engaging in soothing activities, setting boundaries, and honoring each of their needs. The most important thing was building a trusting relationship with these parts which takes time.
Our inner dialogue changed over time as I played a role as nurturer. Oure self perception changed and I began to feel a deep sense of worth. Because I had been sex trafficked the idea of money had done so much damage that I felt like my worth was so tied into money and finances. In showing compassion to my trafficked parts we learned that our worth is not in whether we have a job or make money or if we are successful we are but more tied to being the beautiful woman God created. By counteracting any negative self talk we cultivated a sense of worthiness and belonging within ourselves not from anything outside of us. We used affirmations and positive self-talk which helped achieve even more love and acceptance.
Self compassion was immensely beneficial for me and undid a lot of the damage that my trauma had done. In embracing all my parts I laid a foundation for much healing and integration. The parts of me that had been hurt the deepest were the ones who initially hated me/themselves. By extending kindness, understanding, and validation to every aspect of our being, we can create a safe and nurturing internal environment where healing and transformation can flourish. As we embark on this journey of self-discovery and healing, may we remember that we are worthy of love and compassion, exactly as we are.
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